Larry Crabb continues to be an author that helps me see underneath and behind some of my doubting thoughts. In his book Finding God he asked his readers:
“Imagine what it would be like to say the following words from Habakkuk and mean them! (I’ve added a few phrases in italic to bring the passage home.)
Though the fig tree does not bud
and I am alone;
and there are no grapes on the vines,
and I can find no joy in my world right now;
though the olive crop fails
and I have nothing to soothe my open wounds;
and the fields produce no food,
and I am out of a job or hate the one I have;
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no one warms me on cold nights
and no cattle in the stalls
and I have no tangible basis for feeling secure,
yet will I rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
(Hab. 3:17-19)
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hifting our foundation from doubt to confidence, from terror to enjoyment, from rage to worship will occur only when something stirs within us that makes us long, more than anything else, to build our lives on the reality of God. But we’re not there yet. No one is, not fully. With doubt, terror, and rage filling our hearts, we turn to others, not to love them, but to get from them at least a little of what we need. Bent on relief from our pain and revenge against God, we enter into relationships with the desperate cry that seems so reasonable: “I need you!” And that cry moves us into the first floor of the fallen structure…When we live to get from others (and everyone does who suspects that God isn’t good), the results are always the same: inevitable disappointment, temporary fulfillment, and bitter loneliness. When we doubt God and turn away from him to cry to others, “I need you,” we never stop crying.” ((Larry Crabb, Finding God, Zondervan 1993, 108-109.))
