“A mature relationship with Christ is reflected in the capacity to hear whispers of assurance when discouragement is oppressive. And even when we’re mishandling frustration by retreating into an angry pout, mature depth won’t let us escape the convicting awareness that we’re designed to love, even in this situation…As we learn to live in confidence that the deepest concerns of our soul are in good hands, both the shame we feel because of our unworthiness and the terror we have of one day facing exposure and rejection will lose their power to control us. Change from the inside out involves a gradual shift away from self-protective relating to strongly loving involvement. And in order to make that change, we must feel our disappointment as a longing person and face the sin in our heart that results in a commitment to self protection… When we fully understand our disappointed thirst and self-protective patterns, repentance can involve a deeper shift in our understanding of how life is to be lived and how we miss the mark.”
Larry Crabb, Inside Out, p. 218-221
A New Day, A New Opportunity
January 6, 2004
Dear Friend,
This morning I am tasting the mercy of God helping me wait for word that James has arrived in the States safely. We left the village early so that we could enjoy a final farewell dinner with him. Since our arrival in Kampala, he had wanted to try this Indian restaurant that was on the top floor of the “mall” in Kampala. 
 We decided that would be the place to celebrate our time together in Africa and his beginning again at Grove City.  The view was spectacular, and the setting of the restaurant was very festive. We had the whole restaurant to ourselves since we were eating so early no one else was in the place. James seemed a little nervous but was intent on being upbeat. It turned out to be a lovely, lingering time. The food was excellent but scorching hot– we compensated by ordering the large bottled water to help douse the flames on our tongues!  That was a great idea until we faced the reality of what it would feel like to travel for 40 minutes to Entebbe Airport, over potholed roads, after consuming 2 liters of water! Casey was seriously uncomfortable on the trip and I think her pain allowed me to forget the unavoidable pain that was ahead for my heart. We had to make one of those quick good-byes because of the airport security in Entebbe. 
I longed to be able to sit with him until time to board but it was not to be. I thought I caught a glimpse of fear in his eyes and I almost grabbed him and said, “Don’t go.”
It killed me to look on that but he pressed on and said he would call as soon as he could. We didn’t have an international card to give him so I think his plan was to call you and ask you to give us a quick call to let us know he has arrived at Dulles.  We have learned that Mike’s Honda was not starting and so Cindy and her husband are trying to get that repaired before James has to head back to PA.
Jane, James has a very tender fondness and respect for you. I think he would truly appreciate knowing that someone was thinking about him and willing to give him a call to let him know that. The truth is, I would appreciate knowing that someone closer than me is watching out for him. This is hard.
As we have shared before, I can be as miserable as I want to be and there are times when I give in and get pretty miserable. More often I am thinking,
“Lissa is God still God?”
“Can He care for James in your absence or not?”
“Can He care for Him better than you can?”
“Is the joy of the Lord my strength or did my joy go with James?”
“Lissa, are you so faithless that you consider yourself mistreated in this separation?”
“Lissa, do you believe that I will never leave you or forsake you? Do you believe that for James as well?”
I find the rehearsal of truth moves me on and brings to my aching heart strong comfort that I need. You and I have often talked about how there is no help in sitting around describing the pain–it only gets deeper and worse–I know this is a grace from God and I am thankful.
Today I will go to SOS to get 2 children immunized. There I will encounter Sister Immaculate. She is a heavy set Ugandan woman who dresses in the old style white nurse’s uniform.  When I think of my past encounters with her, the words “gruff” and “severe” come to mind. Her way is to sort of bark orders at you but she will smile every now and again if she feels so inclined. I find myself trying to coax a smile from her!  I hope the day at the desk will bear much fruit in lesson preparation my friend.
I love you bunches–lissa
Quarrels and Conflicts
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?   You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. James 4:1-3
I have been so blessed by C.J. Mahaney’s article “Cravings and Conflicts“. The exposition of James 4 resonates as such great help for my soul! I have a sense that this is one of those resources I will want to revisit over and over again.Â
Fret Not
Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.Â
Psalm 37:1-8
While reading this psalm this morning, through my memory I heard my mother’s voice saying, “I am so fretted!” I picked up the tendency to fret and fume about this, that or the other thing. The repetition of “fret not” in this psalm is God’s grace to my heart. While “I am so fretted” seems to be the preset station on my emotional radio–today, I am conscious that God’s preset is “fret not”!
“It is one thing to say “fret not, ” but a very different thing to have such a disposition that you find yourself able not to fret. Fussing always ends in sin. Fretting springs from a determination to get our own way! All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God.”
Oswald Chambers
Father God, by disposition I will live today hitting the fretful preset button. By faith, quietly trusting in you, I have hope that “fret not” will replace my spoiled disposition! What delight comes to my heart as I ponder the possibility of this day! AMEN
For Behold, I Bring you Good News of a Great Joy
December 27, 2003
Dear Friend,
In a desert land he found him,
in a barren and howling waste.
He shielded him and cared for him;
he guarded him as the apple of his eye,
like an eagle that stirs up its nest
and hovers over its young,
that spreads its wings to catch them
and carries them on its pinions. (Deuteronomy 32:10-11)
To be the apple of God’s eye is an astounding thought isn’t it? How confident we can be when we know that His love treasures us in the way that these verses describe. I think these children here must be the apple of God’s eye!
Christmas was different but it was a “good” different. In many ways, it was more like Christmas than any I’ve ever experienced. So, while it was not familiar, it was deeply meaningful. The mamas and the children were wowed and their reactions made my Christmas! Christmas morning,  I arrived at the dining hall to put on the turkey. I took your recipe book with me to show the cooks who had never roasted a turkey how to manage this new treat. I was so thankful that I had packed that treasure. 
I prepared the dining hall for worship, and then had a sweet time of prayer with the other ROS. We were so glad that our friends from Wakiso Central Baptist were coming to the village to lead us in worship. Pastor Fred planned not only to preach but to bring a choir to make the services very special.  They were 37 minutes late (my old time conscious self was keeping track) and the children were becoming a little squirmy. I decided that we should begin, so I followed the African custom of opening worship with a praise and thanksgiving time. How glad I was that the group was late! It gave space to two our mamas who were eager to stand and proclaim that this Christmas they had something that they didn’t last year. 
They spoke not only of the blessing of having a job and a reliable salary but of having a call and a sense of purpose in their lives. It was a deeply emotional time and one that ministered to my heart so much. I found myself longing for this personal sharing to be part of our worship times back home. With time still available, Mama Jenipher then shared a song that she says strengthens her soul called “Stand by me Jesus”. God was already moving in our midst when our friends from Central Baptist arrived. The Junior Choir sang 3 wonderful, spirited songs which captured the children’s attention.  Pastor Fred delivered a sermon that asked and answered this question:  “Here in Uganda where there is serious illness, poverty, death, war and pestilence, what is there to be merry about?” He led us in considering that in the midst of all that is difficult –the difficulty is swallowed up in the blessing of knowing and being known by Christ–the Light of the World. I was fed once again on the miracle of the Light breaking into the darkness and the darkness not being able to overcome it. It was a great morning of worship! 
Afterwards, we had a huge buffet with roast beef, turkey, Kaloo (hamburger and millet flour), Matoke (a banana type staple), white sweet potatoes, green beans, chapati (thick tortillas), jello, macaroni and cheese and soda. The children ate until they were sick and the mamas mounded food on their plates like field hands. Jenipher’s family knew that she was spending the day with Mzungus and so they told her not to forget Nehemiah 8:10!  I had to go home and look it up and was astounded that they knew it! That verse says,  “go and enjoy choice foods and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. For the joy of the LORD is your strength.”  Isn’t it interesting that we well-fed westerners only remember the last part of that verse? Hungry people see great hope in the first part!
One of our little boys named Jovan could not get over the privilege of being allowed to get up from the table and get anything he wanted off the buffet line. He is a stocky little guy who will win your heart in a minute. 
Today, he ate and ate.  
Finally, Teopista told him he must stop or he would be sick. With his most determined face and firm command of preschool English he responded, “For me, I want more!” When he said “more” it sounded like “Mow-wah”. Casey and I have rolled with laughter over that moment. Now whenever we want something, we say, “For me, I want more!”
I broke the normal schedule and announced that we were going to nap until we woke up rather than making everyone wake at 2:30 for a snack time. They were thrilled. We took pictures of our friends piling into one truck and heading back to Wakiso for their next worship service. I thought it would be a great idea to get all the children in one shot–that was a hoot–it took 5 tries to get one with all of them sort of facing forward!
I too came home and napped and then got up and made some rough curtains for Casey’s room out of material that Christine Miller had left here in our home. When we cleaned out cottage #5, Stu offered me the treadle machine that had been stored there.
Sarah gave Mom a phone card and she called on Christmas Eve which was sweet–she was so proud of herself for being able to dial all those numbers and then to have success in being able to reach us. God graced the call and it was not interrupted or ended abruptly as sometimes happens with international calls. She cried some and my heart was very heavy with homesickness then.  Jane, that is enough to get a flavor of what happened here on Christmas. I am anxious to hear of your time.
There are sixteen children in Uganda who now know that Christmas is “Happy Birthday, Jesus” and that he was born to Mary and Joseph and that shepherds and wise men came to worship this glorious little King. I pray God will use those meager beginnings to grow the heart of worship in them. I feel as though I neglected my own family to make Christmas for these here–but they insist that they do not interpret this Christmas as loss but as gain. We opened the gifts you sent during a 15 minute window that I had before returning to the dining hall to do the next thing. I am so grateful for those gifts my friend, you have fed our souls and satisfied our need for the rustle of tissue paper–Casey was thrilled and Mike spent the time I was napping watching the race tape! James is becoming a little sullen with us all and I pray that that is just his way of expressing uneasiness about returning to school. I pray that God will make this releasing easy on both our hearts. He did say, “It doesn’t feel like Christmas” and wished that it didn’t have to be celebrated so early in the morning!
I enjoyed pondering verse 17 of our Psalm today, it says, “when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness” — Psalm 17:15. May it be so for both of us today dear one–I cannot describe all the ways I miss you right now.
Rejoicing in our Savior’s birth,
lissa
Amazing Grace
“The law demands what it cannot give; grace gives all it demands.”
Blaise Pascal
God of Encouragement
“I have always noticed that when God has purposes of blessing for some soul, the demon of discouragement, who is one of Satan’s most useful servants, is sure to come and whisper all sorts of sorrowful, depressing, miserable thoughts. He drops these thoughts about, sometimes in one heart and sometimes in another. If they take root and grow into feelings and words and deeds, he knows that a great deal has been done to hinder what our God intends to do. Do not forget that discouragement is always from beneath; encouragement is always from above; God is the God of Encouragement.” ((Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways, August 20th, p. 154))
“You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them,
and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.” (Psalm 10:17-18)
“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us,
so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among
yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the
God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:4-6)